The Math of Parenting

     Sometimes having practical mathematical knowledge isn't a good thing. Such as, it's hard to want to go for a walk when you know that a lone child will fall and get hurt around  25% of the time. And if you have 4 children, the odds of someone crying for part of the walk is, oh, 100%. Now add in the odds for someone falling in a puddle, say that happens around 10% of the time, but the odds of someone jumping into a puddle is more like 70%. That makes for an 80% chance that another child will be whining because they are cold and wet.
     Now figure that children are hungry 95% of the time. (the only non-hungry 5% is only when food that has been served to them must be completely UN-eatable because it may taste healthy or different.) They are also thirsty another 99% of the time, so, unless you take time to pack bribe treats or water bottles, the return trip WILL be super pleasant, as it is being made by loud, starving children who are going to die. If you do choose to pack bride treats, the odds of someone taking off or loosing their shoes is 35%, a lost coat is around 20%, and children fighting while waiting is 60%. If you walk away from the snack packing to disband the fight, the odds that you will now forget something is 40%.
       So, even though we live only 1/2  mile from the library, we only walk to the library about 25% of the time.  This 25% happens when Mommy amnesia has kicked in, and I actually think it will be different this time because my children are a whole 60 days older.
     On this note, we now have the Uno game. I love Uno. Awesome game, simple, fun, teaches children colors and numbers.  But, when you play Uno with 4 children only 25% of them can can win, and 75% of them will loose. If 50% of your children freak out when they do not win, you have a 100% chance the game will end in screaming and crying.

  Now I seem to have forgotten, but I thought playing games as a family is supposed to be fun????

Updated January 20,2011:

After receiving multiple  notes of encouragement, I wanted to add that I greatly enjoy playing games with my children. It's the endings I hate. But that is why we play right before bedtime. So I can just send them off to bed. :)

Chutes and Ladders

     Some days I feel like a good mom, and some days I feel like a failure. Some nights I am engaged and patient, while other nights I am tired and snappy. Some days I vary between the two kinds, sort of like "Chutes and Ladders." The very moment you think you are getting ahead of the game....you hit a wall and slide down, right back to where you started from. Tonight was one of those nights. All day I could feel a cold bug trying to move on in, and I knew that the headache I felt coming on, would only get worse if I started yelling. There I resolved to enjoy my children, knowing that the best defense is a good offense.
      We played Qwitch, a weird math game sort of like Uno, then I promised "Chutes and Ladders" right before bed. I fed my children and cleaned my kitchen. I was getting tired so I hid away for 30 minutes and read my book. I knew time was short, it was 7:30 when we set up Chutes and Ladders. The game was fun, but not everybody can win, not everybody can spin at the same time and not everybody knows how to leave the game board alone when it's not their turn. There were two time outs taken by one child, and a crying fit by another. There was only one very patient 4 yr old who, at the back of the pack for the entire game had not offered a single complaint, and then he, of all the children, landed on the BIG downward slide right as he was catching up to everyone else. Poor kid just sat there and muttered, "I'll never win now." So, I just did what any caring mother would do, I let him cheat and back up that slide he climbed, just so I could see his smile return.
    Then I made the mistake of walking away for a minute. When I returned, one child was yelling, one was crying and I was done. The game was done, we were playing for 2nd place anyhow and I asked everyone to head to bed and I picked up the game. 10 minutes later nobody was in bed and that's when it happend. The scary mad mom voice, that even suprises yourself, came out..."GET INTO BED NOW!!!!!" No fun bedtime conversations, no silly games, just a quick kiss, hug and out the door. "Love you, GOOD NIGHT!!!"
     So close to the end, I almost made it...but down the slide I went. Oh well, thank God for forgiveness and new days. I think tomorrow we'll play Candyland.